My two boys asleep: my hubby and my son.
Silence! Time to think uninterruptedly. Alas…. alas!
And yet, I am so tired. It is SO late.
Who knew the vocation of motherhood could be so exhausting?! Really, zillions of other women have gone through this?!
And yet, it’s an exhilarating feeling that I am left with at the end of the day. Honestly, I’ve dreamed of being a mommy even before grade school. (As I experience all of this joy being a new mommy, I can’t help but pray even more for those struggling with infertility and miscarriage– I cannot imagine that pain. <3)
All of those moments that I want to bang my head during the day when my son is fussing, screaming, or just being overactive and not napping… they are put to *shame* when, at the moment that my baby finally DOES fall asleep, I pull out my smartphone and peruse my photos and videos of him. Ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha!
What I am learning about motherhood is this: sacrifice. Isn’t that the single word that comes up numerous times on this blog?!
Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. Whew!
Yet what I am also learning is this beautiful, mysterious paradox: that I revel in this sacrifice. That at the time that I hate it, I also love it, because I know that it is edifying.
Sacrifice and love: one in the same. THAT is what I have been learning.
I am being edified… refined… purified.
The one event that has made me “grow up”? Having a child of my own. Cliche, yes. But true, so true.
I often wonder if this is how God feels with me as his daughter. He sees me crying, he sees me blindly hurting myself, he sees me confused, he sees me needy, he sees me being just a little bit naughty sometimes (or maybe other times, very, very in the wrong), he sees me THIRSTY… he sees me HUNGRY. AND IN IT ALL, HE LOVES ME! He only wants the best for me! HE SAYS, “COME, DRINK MY BLOOD. COME, EAT MY FLESH.” Oh my! ” ❤
My motherhood is teaching me soooo much about my daughterhood of the King Most High…
But I am exhausted. So, good night for now! 🙂