they’re one in the same

Ah, this.

Yes, this.

Silence.

My two boys asleep: my hubby and my son.

Silence! Time to think uninterruptedly. Alas…. alas!

And yet, I am so tired. It is SO late.

Who knew the vocation of motherhood could be so exhausting?! Really, zillions of other women have gone through this?!

And yet, it’s an exhilarating feeling that I am left with at the end of the day. Honestly, I’ve dreamed of being a mommy even before grade school. (As I experience all of this joy being a new mommy, I can’t help but pray even more for those struggling with infertility and miscarriage– I cannot imagine that pain. <3)

All of those moments that I want to bang my head during the day when my son is fussing, screaming, or just being overactive and not napping… they are put to *shame* when, at the moment that my baby finally DOES fall asleep, I pull out my smartphone and peruse my photos and videos of him. Ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha!

What I am learning about motherhood is this: sacrifice. Isn’t that the single word that comes up numerous times on this blog?!

Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. Whew!

Yet what I am also learning is this beautiful, mysterious paradox: that I revel in this sacrifice. That at the time that I hate it, I also love it, because I know that it is edifying.

Sacrifice and love: one in the same. THAT is what I have been learning. 

I am being edified… refined… purified.

The one event that has made me “grow up”? Having a child of my own. Cliche, yes. But true, so true.

I often wonder if this is how God feels with me as his daughter. He sees me crying, he sees me blindly hurting myself, he sees me confused, he sees me needy, he sees me being just a little bit naughty sometimes (or maybe other times, very, very in the wrong), he sees me THIRSTY… he sees me HUNGRY. AND IN IT ALL, HE LOVES ME! He only wants the best for me! HE SAYS, “COME, DRINK MY BLOOD. COME, EAT MY FLESH.” Oh my! ” ❤

My motherhood is teaching me soooo much about my daughterhood of the King Most High…

But I am exhausted. So, good night for now! 🙂

#tobecontinued

“Look mom! Sushi! Mmmmm” 😛

My great uncle took a candid of us at dinner one day... we never get family shots! Life is going by too quickly. Hope we get another one soon. ;)

A (blurry) candid of us at dinner one day… we never get family shots! Life is going by too quickly. Hope we get another one soon. 😉

time, talent, treasure

“The more generous you are for God, the happier you will be.” – Saint Josemaria, The Furrow, #18

This Lent, I think it’s important that I become less “me-focused.” And it’s sooo easy to be “me-focused” in a world where egocentricity (wow! that’s a word?! I wasn’t auto-corrected ;-)) is, subtly and not so subtly, glorified.

But truly, it is in giving ourselves to God and to others in His that we find true happiness.

The Catholic Church defines “Christian stewardship” as giving your time, talent, and treasure to God and to others in accordance with what God wills for you. I know for the widower in Scripture, giving her entire life savings into the collection basket was what God called her to do… and yet, I am sure He rewarded her a thousandfold.

This Lent, I would like to be a better Christian steward via my thoughts, words, and actions– in discreet, small, tangible ways, not just big blaring ways. It will take discipline to try to give more of that “gift of [my]self” to others: with a pure, unselfish heart. And if the end at the day, I am happier, that will just be an added joy, though not the end. The end? Love. Charity. Agape.

They say true happiness lies in living a virtuous life. And a virtuous life can only be lived in Love Himself: God.

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marriage as a cross

“I’ll share in your suffering… to make you well, to make you well…” – Phillip Phillips

When I watch this music video, I can’t help but smile. The song dons some pretty idealistic and romantic thoughts. Everything just screams “emotional high! I am in love!” Besides, perhaps, that line on suffering.

You know who the media needs to admire more, though? Not those couples who are “crazy in love” all the time. Instead, I think that the media should admire people who are married and truly fight to keep their marriage strong and alive in good times and in bad. Now those are the heroes of love, the spouses laying down their life for the other, even when that sense of excitement or chemistry is just plain ole’ gone

Still being loyal to the other even when everything feels like it is falling apart. 

Still dying to self for the other even when the other seems to be going cold turkey on you. Nothing could hurt more.

As I prepare myself for marriage, it’s odd thinking of all of the harsh, cold realities that may hit my dear fiance and me. O, and my fiance and I will let one another down at times. That’s a guarantee. One day, it may even feel like there is no chemistry. On either or both ends. What we do at such times will either strengthen or weaken our shared “cross” together. 

Yes, when we get married, we will both  be picking up the “cross” of marriage. This cross will be a joy and a blessing, but also a bearer of great struggle and hardship. This cross will our source of life! This cross will be our way to Heaven! May we always kiss its wood.

saints in the making… together!

What is the most exciting aspect of being in a courtship?

The hugs and kisses? The friendship? The companionship? The romance?

I’d have to say it’s none of those. It’s the sanctity. That’s what’s most exciting!

Spiritual growth and holiness are at the center of my relationship with my boyfriend. Christ is at the core of our courtship. Not in a dull, mechanical way, but in an alive, organic way!

Do we ever get sidetracked and forget that? Sure.

(Life’s busy. And we’re two laypeople in the world, with in-the-world schedules and interests like everyone else… It’s not like we are monastic like St. Francis and St. Claire– though they are two awesome patrons of ours!)

Does it get hard not to get caught up in the “eros”? You bet.

(Just because we strive to be devoted Catholic twenty-somethings doesn’t mean we don’t feel physical desires normal to any romantic relationship! But instead of listening to the world, we try to be rebels and listen to Our Lord… and embrace chastity. Best decision for us.)

But when it all comes down to it, my boyfriend and I are building not upon our “eros,” but rather upon our “agape” — our Christ-like love for one another and our shared love for Christ!

Why? Because we figure that the “eros” is strong enough anyway. Focusing on it is unnecessary and tempting. However, building our “agape” is truly investing towards a possible vocation to marriage together! And stronger agape will make for stronger eros, so it’s win-win on both accounts!

It’s exciting to think that the whole purpose and wildly beautiful meaning of our relationship is to see Christ in one another, to love Him in one another, and to bring one another to Him.

We’re building up the kingdom of God… In one another!!

That’s something that will last beyond our time here on earth. How beautiful and how amazing of a gift is that task?! We are called to help one another to grow spiritually, to grow in holiness, to grow in sanctity!

Yes, my boyfriend is the cheese to my macaroni. In so many ways!

Yes, my boyfriend and I are each others’ first official sweethearts. (Don’t gag!)

And yes, we are best friends.

But best of all…

We are two saints in the making, together.

MISSION: HEAVEN.

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