O, that deep and hidden love

You know you’re a mom when it’s past midnight and you’re chatting with your friends in a different time zone and you suddenly realize the time and whisper to yourself: “Thou shalt pay for this in the morning!”

All that aside, I’ve felt a sudden gust of inspiration from the Holy Spirit above to get off my lazy bum and start blogging again. I’ve also been prompted lately to use a good half hour, at least, of my morning routine to contemplate the daily Mass Gospel reading and to meditate on other spiritual readings before the day begins. And my, how the latter has done my soul good.

I finally feel like I’m being fed again. And in turn, I finally feel like I have a more whole version of myself to offer to my husband, my son, the baby in my belly, my extended family, my friends, and those that I serve…! When you take care of yourself, it’s so much easier to love others.

I’d forgotten that in what often seems like the rat race of family life, the goal is not to accomplish. And yes, even as a stay-at-home mama, life can feel ALL too HARRIED at times!

It’s crazy because you’d think that of all vocations, being a stay-at-home mama has the potential to be one of the ‘most relaxing’: or so, you’d think. But no, it has demands in and of itself, and of course Satan always wants us to feel rushed, hurried, threatened, and unappreciated for all that we do (so we try to do things more perfectly, or we try to do more, more, more to prove ourselves– both to no avail!). Moreover, Satan always wants us to feel unsure of WHO WE ARE, God’s very sons and daughters, beloved despite all of our deficiencies and defects!

Recently, I’ve been relishing in the fact that it is OK to stop and smell the roses (ha! seems so cliche, yet it’s such an important aphorism to remember), to smile, to laugh– to REALLY laugh and joke and make merry, to take time to saunter in the sunshine (and the Son), to take time to pray and to reflect (so as to grow!).

Just this past week, I woke my son up from a late nap. And usually, if he’s rested well enough, he’ll roll over and give me the BIGGEST smile this side of the Mississippi. After this particular nap, I was holding my breath wondering if he had rested enough, though– but lo and behold, what did he do? He rolled over after I kissed him on the cheek and started to play with his hair… and gave me the biggest grin ever! He continued to hug me and to just stare into my eyes. 

Fast forward to a week later, and my toddler son told me to cuddle with him. He then gave me a big hug and proclaimed, “Love you, Mommy!”My heart got smashed into a million pieces both instances. That’s how smitten I was with my toddler son’s adoration and affection of his dear Mama.

This is the kind of time God wants us to spend with Him, I realized. Not just so we can show Him that we love Him… but so that He can show us that He loves us, uniquely, individually! God wants to spend time with us when we are well rested, i.e. those intentional mornings offered to him (in addition when we are not well rested at all, and think we have no time to spare!) so that we can feel well rested. The math of it is mysterious, especially in that latter situation, but it’s a Divine equation. And God always comes out more generously on His end.

This is the kind of joy that God wants us to find in different moments of our day. Sometimes these moments are direct and easy to come by– and other times, heck, most of the time– they’re indirect, hidden, difficult to find. But those moments of Divine encounter and love are there, because He’s always there.

So here’s to trying to live a calm, peaceful, intentional life– yes, amidst the chaotic humdrum of the everyday and the ordinary. And here’s to trying to find the joy, whether it’s at hand or it’s deeply embedded in the more obscure places of our lives.