afraid, yet comforted… my home? a tiny speck in His heart!

The Gospel of St. Luke says, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?”

The former sentence from this passage is one of the most scary lines in the Gospel to me. I’d always like to think that I have some sort of control in my life. Yes, I must be responsible about my duties; I must listen as closely to Jesus about what my vocation is and entails, and follow Him. But Jesus truly asks me to completely LOSE my life to Him.

On the other hand, however, the latter sentence from this passage is one of the most comforting lines in the Gospel to me! It is so romantic and beautiful to think that God has made me for Himself; He wishes to possess me fully. In fact, only in Him can I ever find my own self and my own life. Only in Him do I have a home. My heart was created to abide in His heart, and there is a tiny speck in His most sacred Heart for just me alone. This is what my place in Heaven looks like.

At times, I get a little anxiety when I wonder: “Well, am I giving everything to God? Am I giving Him my all? Every part of my life?” Yet God teaches me to have no anxiety at all, and to trust Him. I once heard a Norbertine priest, Fr. Charbel, say that not trusting in God hurts Him more than sinning. So long as I look to selfless Love Himself, and try in my utmost humility to do what I think He wants me to do, He will be smiling down on me.

Faith is a journey, and it will only see its completion when I meet this Romantic Lord of mine face to face. As expounded upon in the book Divine Intimacy, God has so graced me with the virtues of faith, hope, and love, that they may one day turn into understanding and possession in Heaven. Yet that last virtue, Love (Himself!), will still be the same in Heaven!

Instead of “saving” my life and gaining the whole world, It is He to whom I hope to be completely vulnerable, and to lose my heart– for what I have to gain is everything, the point of my entire existence: for my heart to one day rest in His (St. Augustine)!

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